You want fries with that Beef? Part 1 - Mediocrity

I consider myself a fairly clever individual. I do my best to present my rants in a unique fashion so that my work can be distinguished from the typical "straight-to-the-point" format that other blog authors use in their writing. With that said, I've been racking my brain for the past several weeks trying to think up a clever way to rant about my biggest beef, but doing so would detract from the impact that I hope to achieve. I'm looking for maximum damage, so consider this my sobering, straight-to-the-point, punch-in-the-face blog effort.



All of you, and I mean every man, woman, child and invalid on God's green Earth, can kiss my goddamn ass. That's right....every single fucking one of you. Here's why:

Mediocrity:
For some fucking reason, every single person I've ever encountered in my entire life has been, and forever will be, stuck in some kind of lazy assed, limp-dicked mindset. It's as though God set all of you to "medium" and broke the fucking knob off.

1. "Oh, I want to be fit but I don't want to get too muscular...you know?"
2. "I want a car with decent gas mileage."
3. "I don't want to be a bad person."
4. "I don't want to die."

If you're looking at those quotes and wondering what's wrong, then you're part of the fucking problem now aren't you? This is a list of limitations and nothing more. Granted, the context of each saying has been removed, but I think that point is fairly irrelevant. Unless you are a soldier who has just finished storming the beaches of Normandy to free France from the Nazis, or a combat engineer who risked life and limb disarming IED's in Iraq, you have absolutely no fucking right to say any of those things. Exactly what have you done, at this point in your life, to allow yourself to set limitations?

Take the first quote for example. How many times have I heard someone say this one? Weighing in at 120 lbs you're already thinking about getting TOO muscular? Drop the crack-pipe chowder head...if, and I mean IF, you even get CLOSE to making any kind of respectable muscular gains, then and only then can you deal with that issue. Until then, shut the FUCK up and start lifting heavy shit. This is just a goddamn excuse that you use so that you don't have to face the cold, brutal truth: that you have to work your ass off to get what you really want.

Quote number 2 is probably going to apply to more of you. In fact, I'm willing to bet most of you are confused. "What's wrong with saving gas?", you might be asking right now. It's fucking retarded, that's what wrong with it. ESPECIALLY if it's the primary quality you look for when buying a new car. So let me get this straight, you're about to drop $20,000 on a new car (and that's a fairly conservative estimate if you're buying new from a dealership) and you're looking for....GAS MILEAGE? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Why don't you just take that goddamn money and burn it, you fucking idiot? Don't you have any emotions? Don't you have any type of feeling? If you're gonna blow $20 grand on ANYTHING, you had better be having the best fucking time of your life with it every time you use it. This is even more relevant to those living in Canada. Gas mileage usually equates to a car with a lower performance engine, and a light-weight body, which is great...until it snows. Now what? Well, now your ass is stuck in the snow. Go ahead and spin those wheels all you want you dumb shit, you're getting FABULOUS gas mileage!

Ahh quote number 3. You see what I've done here? I said this wasn't going to be clever, but I guess I lied a little bit. Each quote progressively becomes more applicable to a larger group of people. I mean, who wants to be a bad person, right? Here's a less stupid question: WHAT makes someone a bad person? How many of you, after reading that line, pictured some type of rebel...probably with jeans, a leather jacket, slicked back hair, and a motorcycle, all the while smoking a cigarette and standing on a street corner saying "eeyyy yooo!!". You see...that's why you're a fucking idiot. What exactly is "bad"? Is it disagreeing with "the norm"? Not going to church, maybe? Breaking the law? Bad is just a word...like good...or love, which is given an emotional value by that lump of crap you call a brain. Historically, a "bad person" has been someone that has gone against the normalities of common society. Fuck society...it's full of fat idiots who can't drive. You are what you are. You saying "I don't want to be a bad person" is just you saying "I don't want to stick out from the crowd". A serial killer is no more a bad person than those social mis-fit computer programmers working at Microsoft. Yes, they may be "Evil" in the biblical form of the word, but it can be argued that their actions are more of a result of some type of genetic or hormonal defect....the same type of fluke-of-nature shit that gave us Einstein and Mozart. Trying to be a decent human being is one thing...being an in-denial jackass is an entirely different, and more common, occurence.

Last but not least, quote number 4. "I don't want to die!" is often said with conviction by those who are asked the question. Hell, even I catch myself saying it from time to time. But let's face it...we're walkin' around sayin' dumb shit like that as if we had a say in the matter. You don't want to die? Well guess what? You're already dead. We all are. The naked truth is that we are all on borrowed time. We're all just chillin' and waiting around until our inevitable funerals. We have absolutely NO control over when, how, or where we're gonna get killed off, yet most of you are walking around thinking you can somehow "minimize" the risk to yourself. All of those air-bags in your fancy ass car, all of that goddamn homo wheat-grass juice you drink, avoiding bad foods, bad sex and riding a motorcycle....none of that shit is going to guarantee you a longer life by any means. And what's with all of this "minimize the risk of death" bullshit? Are you a mathematician? What kind of fucking math are you using to deduce that you are, in fact, minimizing the risk of death? You'd better double check your derivatives, Einstein, because I'm pretty sure you fucked it up. How much of your already limited life have you wasted on "I don't want to die"? Better yet, how much have you lived, thus far, to justify your lazy ass saying "Oh I'd do that, but I don't want to die"? Easy there, superhero.



I know you've lived a fucking action-packed life already, what with all of that super awesome, fucking-spectacular photocopying you get done in the office; your ultra-venti low-fat, protein supplemented mocha-chino...without cream; your fun-filled saturdays watching episode after episode of Lost and BSG, but why don't you take a break from that stuff and try something new and exciting? Stop being a scared sack of shit, take a risk, and do something you can tell your children about. Seriously, what the fuck are you saving yourself for?

That's the end of part 1 of my "ultra-rant". Stay tuned for part 2, where I will cover more of what is wrong with you, your kids, your parents, and the rest of the world.

-Jack the Stripper