Goodie M.O.B. - Soul Food
"Its such a blessing when my eyes get to see the sun rise
Im ready to begin
Another chance to get further away from where Ive been
But Ill never forget
Every thing I went through, I appreciate the shit
Because if I had of went and took the easy way,
I wouldnt be the strong nigga that I am today
Every thing that I did, different things I was told,
Just ended up being food for my soul"
-The wisdom of Cee-Lo
-MiS-
Im not an eminem fan (why does he suddenly have a british girls accent in his songs?), but the lyrics to his response back to Mariah Careys "Obsessed" is hilarity.
- Triggernuts
-hidden surveillance request
Bohemian Rhapsody - The Braids (High School High Soundtrack - one of the sickest soundtracks right alongside Sunset Park)
-MiS-
Much respect to the Unsung Hero of Tdot. Do your thing homie. Toronto has you.
- Triggernuts
While walking down College Street Friday night with a few friends, making our way to one of Toronto's parties we stumbled onto a case of racial profiling @ its finest. I know what people are thinking but yo...it's 2009 mothereffers and you know what? People of colour need to stick together. I would be just as upset if this was happening to a white guy so don't get it twisted, wrong is wrong. So here we go.
So a man, let's say in his early to mid 2o's driving a nice SUV was made to get out his car and stand outside and get handcuffed outside of a cruiser WHILE being administered a breathalyzer (saw that 5 times fast lol). STANDING OUTSIDE THE CAR IN CUFFS. WHAAAAAAT? I don't know if anyone's ever been administered one of those bad boys but lemme tell you. You don't get HANDCUFFED and placed in front of a crowd of onlookers as you are administered the test unless you resisted or did some crazy papashango type movements while driving lol. But no, the events did not unfold this way. I saw it with my own two eyes.
So now, I'm mad. I feel outraged. I want to throw stuff at the pigs. The poor guy is standing out on the street blowing into the breathalyzer and is trying to not have his face be seen by us nosey onlookers. What a coincidence that I just finished having quite the convo with my buddy from school about our infamous Race and Racism class @ our University 3 years back. So he's blowing into the test. The cops are looking around and so they start to become just a little more aggressive with him. Me and my people are commenting from the street, people are stopping and are just as infuriated as us as they tightened the cuffs...why? i dunno just in case he can do a stretch armstrong type trick and get out??? Eventually the hype died down as more and more onlookers looked in disbelief we eventually just started to fade into the streets to our destination.
We didnt take pictures or anything but I would be that person to do that and expose these fools. Lucky. Next time. We did have a good laugh after though.
Why was it so funny you seemed really mad??
Here's the kicker: Drake was in the backseat of the car looking all distraught. His driver was getting booked. And YES he was trying to get us to notice him and take his picture. AND no we didn't. AND yes I still love his music. Made me totally feel foolish for feeling bad for his fool of a friend. Fool.
"i want the money, money and the cars, cars and the clothes, i just wanna be, i just wanna be successful"
-hidden surveillance
Im sitting at work right now bored as hell and im surfing the net to stay awake. Well, If you're a google search user (who isn't?), you already know that as you type in the search box, google tries to complete your search question as best as possible. As I typed in random words and google attempted to complete my search question... I have come to the realization that people out there search for the weirdest motherfu*king things. Here are just a few examples:
A Tribe Called Quest - Electric Relaxation
(No, mahfahkaz... that is not a dude that Q-Tip is staring at all throughout the video.)
I consider myself a fairly clever individual. I do my best to present my rants in a unique fashion so that my work can be distinguished from the typical "straight-to-the-point" format that other blog authors use in their writing. With that said, I've been racking my brain for the past several weeks trying to think up a clever way to rant about my biggest beef, but doing so would detract from the impact that I hope to achieve. I'm looking for maximum damage, so consider this my sobering, straight-to-the-point, punch-in-the-face blog effort.
All of you, and I mean every man, woman, child and invalid on God's green Earth, can kiss my goddamn ass. That's right....every single fucking one of you. Here's why:
Mediocrity:
For some fucking reason, every single person I've ever encountered in my entire life has been, and forever will be, stuck in some kind of lazy assed, limp-dicked mindset. It's as though God set all of you to "medium" and broke the fucking knob off.
1. "Oh, I want to be fit but I don't want to get too muscular...you know?"
2. "I want a car with decent gas mileage."
3. "I don't want to be a bad person."
4. "I don't want to die."
If you're looking at those quotes and wondering what's wrong, then you're part of the fucking problem now aren't you? This is a list of limitations and nothing more. Granted, the context of each saying has been removed, but I think that point is fairly irrelevant. Unless you are a soldier who has just finished storming the beaches of Normandy to free France from the Nazis, or a combat engineer who risked life and limb disarming IED's in Iraq, you have absolutely no fucking right to say any of those things. Exactly what have you done, at this point in your life, to allow yourself to set limitations?
Take the first quote for example. How many times have I heard someone say this one? Weighing in at 120 lbs you're already thinking about getting TOO muscular? Drop the crack-pipe chowder head...if, and I mean IF, you even get CLOSE to making any kind of respectable muscular gains, then and only then can you deal with that issue. Until then, shut the FUCK up and start lifting heavy shit. This is just a goddamn excuse that you use so that you don't have to face the cold, brutal truth: that you have to work your ass off to get what you really want.
Quote number 2 is probably going to apply to more of you. In fact, I'm willing to bet most of you are confused. "What's wrong with saving gas?", you might be asking right now. It's fucking retarded, that's what wrong with it. ESPECIALLY if it's the primary quality you look for when buying a new car. So let me get this straight, you're about to drop $20,000 on a new car (and that's a fairly conservative estimate if you're buying new from a dealership) and you're looking for....GAS MILEAGE? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Why don't you just take that goddamn money and burn it, you fucking idiot? Don't you have any emotions? Don't you have any type of feeling? If you're gonna blow $20 grand on ANYTHING, you had better be having the best fucking time of your life with it every time you use it. This is even more relevant to those living in Canada. Gas mileage usually equates to a car with a lower performance engine, and a light-weight body, which is great...until it snows. Now what? Well, now your ass is stuck in the snow. Go ahead and spin those wheels all you want you dumb shit, you're getting FABULOUS gas mileage!
Ahh quote number 3. You see what I've done here? I said this wasn't going to be clever, but I guess I lied a little bit. Each quote progressively becomes more applicable to a larger group of people. I mean, who wants to be a bad person, right? Here's a less stupid question: WHAT makes someone a bad person? How many of you, after reading that line, pictured some type of rebel...probably with jeans, a leather jacket, slicked back hair, and a motorcycle, all the while smoking a cigarette and standing on a street corner saying "eeyyy yooo!!". You see...that's why you're a fucking idiot. What exactly is "bad"? Is it disagreeing with "the norm"? Not going to church, maybe? Breaking the law? Bad is just a word...like good...or love, which is given an emotional value by that lump of crap you call a brain. Historically, a "bad person" has been someone that has gone against the normalities of common society. Fuck society...it's full of fat idiots who can't drive. You are what you are. You saying "I don't want to be a bad person" is just you saying "I don't want to stick out from the crowd". A serial killer is no more a bad person than those social mis-fit computer programmers working at Microsoft. Yes, they may be "Evil" in the biblical form of the word, but it can be argued that their actions are more of a result of some type of genetic or hormonal defect....the same type of fluke-of-nature shit that gave us Einstein and Mozart. Trying to be a decent human being is one thing...being an in-denial jackass is an entirely different, and more common, occurence.
Last but not least, quote number 4. "I don't want to die!" is often said with conviction by those who are asked the question. Hell, even I catch myself saying it from time to time. But let's face it...we're walkin' around sayin' dumb shit like that as if we had a say in the matter. You don't want to die? Well guess what? You're already dead. We all are. The naked truth is that we are all on borrowed time. We're all just chillin' and waiting around until our inevitable funerals. We have absolutely NO control over when, how, or where we're gonna get killed off, yet most of you are walking around thinking you can somehow "minimize" the risk to yourself. All of those air-bags in your fancy ass car, all of that goddamn homo wheat-grass juice you drink, avoiding bad foods, bad sex and riding a motorcycle....none of that shit is going to guarantee you a longer life by any means. And what's with all of this "minimize the risk of death" bullshit? Are you a mathematician? What kind of fucking math are you using to deduce that you are, in fact, minimizing the risk of death? You'd better double check your derivatives, Einstein, because I'm pretty sure you fucked it up. How much of your already limited life have you wasted on "I don't want to die"? Better yet, how much have you lived, thus far, to justify your lazy ass saying "Oh I'd do that, but I don't want to die"? Easy there, superhero. 
I know you've lived a fucking action-packed life already, what with all of that super awesome, fucking-spectacular photocopying you get done in the office; your ultra-venti low-fat, protein supplemented mocha-chino...without cream; your fun-filled saturdays watching episode after episode of Lost and BSG, but why don't you take a break from that stuff and try something new and exciting? Stop being a scared sack of shit, take a risk, and do something you can tell your children about. Seriously, what the fuck are you saving yourself for?
That's the end of part 1 of my "ultra-rant". Stay tuned for part 2, where I will cover more of what is wrong with you, your kids, your parents, and the rest of the world.
-Jack the Stripper
Nipseys cover art for Bullets Ain’t Got No Names Volume 3: All Money In No Money Out Edition. Keep an eye out for the release. This dude is the truth. Bringing the West back for all ears to hear. August 4th.
Are you an alien? Or a robot? ...
In todays modern world, science and technology have evolved a great deal. So much so, that it seems that instead of the human upgrading technology, the technology is upgrading the human. Not in a way which is clearly visible, ie. People who cant live without their cellphones, people who HAVE to go on facebook, people who cant read the newspaper unless its in a format which their laptops can render. It is now beyond that. The human race has become so adaptive to such technology that they themselves start to act like robots. Just going through the motions of living but not really grasping the essence of what it is to be alive. I'll use todays youth as an example, because out of all other age groups, they tend to be displaying the greatest deal of robot behaviour through their douchebag mentality. It is distressing to see how much these kids follow such a routine set by their friends and media. Just the other day, I was driving down my street and saw a group of 8 or so asian males (if you can call them male) prancing along the sidewalk ALL dressed in the same outfit. From head to toe. Although they wore different colored shirts, it was evident that they were all uniform to one another. Almost as if they were soldiers of a sexually confused war where the victor gets the tightest & most colorful pants. They pranced about like ferries, but at the same time keeping the "gangster face". Thats a must right? Because we all know that toughguys wear pants that show your bone definition. F*ck, I've covered the retardation of these kids in past posts so I'll fast forward to when they grow older and have to hang up their womens garnments for dresspants. These same boys will carry on their mentality into the workplace I guarantee you. They will be "that guy". "That guy" is the guy in the office who tries to upstage you in front of your boss by constantly repeating or agreeing with what your boss has already made clear. "Trigger, those reports need to be handled with caution."..."That guy" barges in, "YAH T, THOSE REPORTS NEED TO BE HANDLED WITH CARE PAL, THANKS BUDDY!"...Oh no, thank YOU, you asshole, I just LOVE to have things repeated to me because im such a moron you know? Fu*king idiot. & when they aren't busy following the manager around, they round up a group of just as equally douchebag co workers. Doing what? I dont know. Probably planning ways on how to act more annoying in front of humans. So these same guys carry on the rest of their days acting like cyborgs. Puppets with no insight. Robots that carry tasks repeatedly without thought unless programmed in their brains. Please reader, step away from that mindset. If you find yourself starting to live through the day without brain function...seek help. Because your understanding of life clearly DOES NOT COMPUTE.
- Triggernuts
So today I went to a burger joint called Original Gangster Burgers Inc. Yes, I know what you are all thinking... Why in the world would it be called that? Well anyways, I walked into the establishment greeted by a guy dressed up as a crackhead. The waiter was packing a "gat", and the waitresses were stabbing the customers. Then the chef peaks over the counter and yells, "YOU GANGSTA NUFF' FO MY BURGERS AND FRENCH FRIZISE DAWG???"...Well, none of that actually happened, but that's what you picture when you hear the name right? Much to my surprise this place was actually really nice. The burger was good and the service was really friendly. If you are ever in the Mississauga area check this place out. See the pic I took of the menu for their location and what not.
- Triggernuts
On this blog, we usually like to point out the stupidity and useless behavior from people in our city...and human beings in general. But in rare occasions, we also like to shout out the up and coming talent who are doing positive things. Whether through art, business, or just plain out doing their thing. We Respect entrepreneurship, ingenuity, and making something out of nothing with yourself. Check out J Macaraigs website for a good example of one of the positive contributors to Toronto's continuing rise of young talent.
One of my favorite movie monologues of all time. If you weren't counting he said fuck 40 times in 5 minutes give or take a fuck or two, and if you stupid fucks don't get what he's trying to say let me break it down for you. you mother fuckers can play the blame game all you want but in the end you only have yourself to blame. "blame it on the a-a-a-a-" no Jamie "piece of shit" fox, you don't blame it on the alcohol. that's just a fucking excuse to do stupid shit. we all know that you fully know what you are doing but you say alcohol made you do it. the only fucking thing alcohol made you do was yak on the fucking floor. if you can't control your liquor then drink some alcoholic free water with a side of lime.
"I'm fat because I have a gland problem." No you fat fuck you're fat because you choose to be fat. sitting on the couch eating ruffles with a side of Doritos. Get the fuck off the couch and be active. Playing the Wii does not count. Go outside, ride a bike, take a walk, go fuck a sheep at least you're moving.
"Oh my gawd i have no money" It's because you spent all your fucking money, you dumb piece of shit. Don't buy shit you can't afford then at the end of the month you complain like your life is over. if you saved up to pay in full you wouldn't be running into this dilemma now would we? There's always an exception to this rule. i.e. necessities. No your fucking xbox is not a necessity. No that handbag is not a necessity.
I can go on and on but i'll stop it there. like i said there are execptions to this rule of the blame game. Say some dude is walking down the street minding his own businessand some mother fucker shoots him in the face. Is it his fault that he was that fat fuck with the "gland " problem taking my advise to go out for a walk and he's not fast enough to dodge a bullet? Nope. It's the fault of the guy who sold the guy the gun who then sold it to another guy who then sold it to the mother fucker who shot the fatty. can't blame the gun. " guns dont' kill people, people kill people " - The gospel according to DMX
i dont' know where i'm going with this. haha i'm guilty of the things i just said. i've blamed others for my misfortunes. whenever life's a bitch i watch this video. . blame osama, blame the koreans, blame the squigee kids blame whoever but really there is nobody to blame but yourself. Michael Jackson hit it dead on when he said.... no not bad.... no not thriller... no not jamon.... well maybe jamon but when he said " if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change" JAMON LEE!!!!
i was trying to say fuck 40 times in this blog. i don't know if i made it. so just to make sure. fuckity fuck fuck, fuckity fuck fuck. fuck fuck shit fuck piss fuck fuck.....FUCK ALL OF YOU.no actully FUCK ME!!!
-mad slick aka dr aqua fresh aka big jennifer garner aka tim russel I'M NOT FINISHED aka cream of wheat aka half an onion bagel aka ca... ca... with a c not with a k ... carl
Exclusive video footage of King James getting posterized. Video rights were bought by Nike so that this footage would not tarnish Lebron's image. This is the only known footage of the event.
Short and simple rant:
If you are trying to enter an elevator after the doors open on your floor and there are already 8-10 other individuals who are trying to get out on said floor, YOU LET DEM MUVAHFACKERS OUT, EEEDYOOOTS!!! (especially if they're wheeling out big carts of shiet)
People who force-feed themselves into already packed elevators that have yet to release themselves of their temporary cargo are only making lives harder for everyone, themselves included. As to why they do so in the first place, I find myself at a loss for rationale. Is they thinking that they will actually get to their intended destinations that much sooner? Do they lack the common sense to see that it would be so much easier to let them bastoids out the fackin elevator, pre-empting the need to say sorry constantly for the 30 seconds it took for you to squeeze into that already overflowing 6x6 area filled to the brim with fat-asses such as myself? (and that's another story, don't say you're sorry you dum biatch... JUST MOVE OUT DA FACKIN' WAY!)
The joys of living in a multi-cultural society, "where making excuses for not using your brain happens."
-Movements in Silence-
"Scratch is a documentary film, directed and edited by Doug Pray. Scratch is a film that explores the world of the hip-hop DJ. From the birth of hip-hop, when pioneering DJ's began extending breaks on their party records (which helped inspire break dancing and rap), to the invention of scratching and beat-juggling vinyl, to its more recent explosion as a musical movement called turntablism, it's a story of unknown underdogs and serious virtuosos who have radically changed the way we hear, play and create music. The documentary opens with Grand Wizard Theodore (New York) telling the story of how he first introduced scratching. Throughout the documentary, several artist explains how he/she was introduced to the field of hip-hop and scratch while providing stories and anecdotes of their personal experiences."
- Triggernuts
So why does Mr. Brown decide to release this apology motherfu*king bazillion years after the fact? Did he start to realize that his fan base was faltering? Did his bank account start to suffer? Could he not support his lavish douchebag lifestyle of grey poupon, Pâté snacks, and tight neon sweaters? Perhaps he misses the limelight? Afraid of the onslaught of Other light skinned african american musicians replacing him? Maybe in his feeble woman beating mind he realizes that he is NOT famous enough to do what he did and get away with it? Whatever the case is, when it's all said and done, there are only two facts that come clear in this apology video. Number one, is that he is reading a teleprompter which makes his apology seem insincere. We (non teenage douchegirls) aren't stupid Chris. We can see your beady little woman beating eyes reading the words. The other is that his shirt looks gay as fu*k. It looks like he robbed Dr. Seuss of his clothing. Perhaps even slapped him around before taking it? What did you do? Sock the sh*t out of a bellboy and steal his shirt? Anyways, my personal favorite part of the video is at the 0:28 second mark where Chris says: "I wish I had the chance to live those few moments again"... I bet you do!! You'd probably throw in a few more jump kicks and some roundhouse kicks to the face wouldn't you?! Probably a karate chop at the back of the neck?? A few eye gouges you missed out on?? ... been reliving it at night and wishing you could do it all over again don't you? I'm just fu*kin with you Chris, I couldn't care less about your life. I just wanted to post this up as an example of what shirt not to wear as a straight male.
Cliffnotes: Wear a shirt like this, and you support beating women. AND you're gay. Are YOU a woman beater???? Be afraid.
- Triggernuts
Hi! My name is Jack.....and I'm.....*sigh*....I'm a....rageaholic.
Hi Jack!
It's been about 415 days since my last emotional outburst....well....it had been, until...*sigh*....until yesterday....
*dramatic pause*
...you see, yesterday was deadlift day. As many of you know, I've been going to the gym a lot. It's been quite useful in my therapy and I've made fantastic gains both physically and emotionally through my efforts there. Lately, however....*deep breath*....well lately there's been a surge of douchebags coming into my gym. DOUCHEBAGS!.....in my gym!!
*pauses and takes deep breath*
Ok...ok....to be fair there have always been a number of people with interesting...."traits"...if you will. I mean, it is a commercial gym afterall.....quirky individuals have to be expected, right?
Take for example the one I call "Shemale Sally". God bless her, she works her ass off in that gym. In fact, she could probably outlift most men....and she's fit as hell too! Those abs, arms, massive legs from all of those smith machine squats....and that butch-ass haircut! Seriously....it's right out of the Marine handbook, complete with shaved sideburns and a flat top fit enough to land small aircraft. The only problem with her is that she's got so much goddamn testosterone running through her that her clit's grown larger than most men's penises.....
Then there's the one I call "Trapped in anorexia", who typically walks in with his 10L jug of distilled water, Muscle Mag magazine, and ipod strapped to his 3" arms. His motivation and drive are inspiring, as he does countless sets of flat, incline and decline bench presses hoping to fill in the curiously loose chest and arm areas of his extra-small, navy blue Under Armor compression shirt and add some weight to his already massive 120lb frame. But his foibles are forgivable as he's only been at this gym, doing those exercises, for the past 5 years.
There's also my personal favorite: "Old man nude". Typically of European decent, and approximately in his early to mid 60's, this character typically spends most of his time at the gym walking around nude in the men's change room, flaunting his salt and pepper chest, back, leg and neck hairs. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I'll walk in to find him blow drying his pubic hairs with one leg elevated on a bench.
But as I've said, these people are not the problem. In fact, I've grown quite fond of these characters. It's the new gaggle of dick weeds that have recently found their way into my gym.....my sanctuary.....that are causing me such distress.
It all started with the appearance of what I've come to call the "Jamaican sex machine and friends" ensemble. This group consists of one person, who through natural endowment, inherited an impressive phsyique, and is followed around by 3 or 4 of his pot-bellied countrymen. God only knows how they found my gym, but in they came one day, discussing everyday irritants and how many women they've f*cked at the top of their lungs...all the while accentuating their already thick accents. This, of course, is done before, during, between and after sets of alternating dumbell curls in front of the mirror, and typically heightened once a female enters the general area. But these guys were just the tip of the iceberg....
It wasn't long until the "Cockbiter" and the "Cockbitee" showed up....two young males...no older than 21 years....who may not be gay (openly anyway) but sure as hell act like they are, and lift like a pair of anemic girl guides. When they walked in with, what could only be described as a mullet with "extra hair at the top", their affliction t-shirts, and shaven legs crammed into purple running shoes...I was so overwhelmed with shock that I almost vomitted all over the floor.
But yesterday....oh Jesus...yesterday was the real kicker. I wasn't able to devise a name for these jackasses yet, as this was my first, and probably only viewing of these f*cktards, but it was like nothing I've ever seen. At first, they appeared to be another, yet older, version of Cockbiter and Cockbitee....moving from one useless exercises to the next....until one of them took out the camera and started taking pictures.
*hands start shaking*
Who the F*CKING hell takes pictures while working out......
*deep breath*
I'd understand if they were strong. Who wouldn't want evidence of a ground breaking, new personal deadlifting best of 500lbs, or a video of themselves snatching twice their bodyweight so that they can examine their form and technique....but these two idiots were taking pictures of each other doing leg curls....MOTHERF*CKING LEG CURLS............
*deep breath*
If that wasn't bad enough, they eventually moved over to my area...where I was deadlifting...so that they could take assanine pictures of themselves grinning while doing incomplete quarter squats of a hefty 135lbs in the smith machine. They were in my area.....and inevitably.....invaded my space.
*tears up*
One of those idiots, while taking countless pictures of what I theorize to be his homosexual partner in a flexed squat position, blocked my path making it impossible to continue my workout. So there I stood, glaring at the back of his skull for 5 agonizing minutes. I felt my control melt away.....I felt my blood curtling....and I felt the surge of anger as my vision blurred and the sound of my heart beat drowned out all other noise in the gym. When the mental defective idiot finally realized that he had obstructed my path, he turned around....
*sob...sniffle*
...I saw his lips moving in a fashion that seemed to have indicated that he was saying "Oh....sorr..." but before he could finish, my right hand had already grasped his camera, and my left his throat, and in a matter of seconds I found myself......*sob*.....I found myself spinning him around and shoving the camera so far up his ass that I managed to capture a picture of his shocked friend through the inside of his mouth...*sob*.....my God the blood...and the screaming!
*deep breath...stutter....deep breath*
Needless to say, I'm no longer allowed in that gym. After maiming complete strangers, I can't say I blame them for kicking me out. The destruction I've caused in those men's lives is inexcusable...I mean...how are they supposed to make love now? I stretched that fella's asshole so much that it would probably be like dropping a toothpick down an elevator shaft....*sob* *sob*
*pauses*
...Oh wait...I know what to call them now..."Fag-a-razzi"!!
-Jack the Stripper
The word "douchebag" gets thrown around alot on this blog, so I just wanted to clarify to the readers what we mean by it. You see, douchebag isnt a specific race or gender. It isn't a specific religion, language or style. That's the beauty of the word. It is a universal mindset in which morons, idiots, losers and baffoons can all share and claim their own. The said douchebag culprit usually enjoys personalizing it by taking already created douchebag aspects, and adding their own sense of stupidity to it. Case and point, you all know what a "gino" is right? or a "guido", "greaseball", etc... (mind you I am only choosing this idiot bunch for this specific example. Remember, douchebags come in all shapes and sizes. All colors and creed) So I was saying... A good example of an up and coming douchebag in the douchebag world is "Jon Gosselin". You may know him from the tv reality series, Jon and Kate plus 8. Well, ever since he decided to leave his family (douchebag move), start dating some trashy looking douchebag (douchebag move bonus), and start wearing Ed Hardy shirts (signed his soul to douchebagism), Jon has decided to put a little trademark douchebaggery onto his already professional level of douching. He has taken it to the next level and decided to create junior douchebags by designing Ed Hardy "baby" clothing. True story. This fool has taken it upon himself to instill the douchebag mentality, or ZEN douchebagizm (since hes a half asian douchebag) onto the next generation. So what Jon has done here, has taken his "base" of "gino douchebagging" and has added his fame from making money off of his children to be a BIGGER douchebag by spreading the word of douchebag through stupid looking shirts. I guess you can say that hes like the messiah for douches. Aside from his newer homo clothing, he sports 4 tacky diamond earings. Usually I wouldnt mind it, But on a douchebag, it doesnt look right. It doesn't look...natural. Almost creepy. Remember that scene in Twilight when the vampire goes under the sun and he starts to glitter and hes all like, "THIS IS WHY I CANT SHOW MYSELF ON SUNNY DAYS! Because of THIS!"...then you're thinking...umm ok SO? BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A GLITTERY DOUCHEBAG??? Yeah, It's kind of like that. I could go on about all of the other forms of douchebags, but this post would be too long. So ladies and gentlemen, before you leave your house tomorrow, look in the mirror and ask yourself...do I have what it takes to be a douchebag? And if the answer is YES, then don't leave your house because you may just see me and get the douche knocked out of you.
*NOTE* Other douchebags you may encounter in your local mall, school, grocery stores:
- Tight pants wearing skateboarders
- "Hiphop" 80's kids (the ones that were born in the 90's but pretend they lived in the 80's. You wish motherfu*ker. you WISH!)
- Goths
- Emos
- 45+ year olds dressing young. (You're old. Fauxhawks are NOT time machines. Against the teachings from your douchebag blackmagic that you practice, haircuts do not work that way)
- Girls that dress like the tight pants wearing skateboarder MALES
- Ginos that wear MMA type clothing. You can't fight. You are fat. You dont have big biceps. Those are fatceps.
- Girls that carry small dogs in the mall like Paris douchebag queen Hilton. You are not her. And you WANTING to be her makes you douchebag enough.
- Asians that think that they are black. (more specifically asians that think that they are the black douchebag kids that think they are from the 80's. I call these ones Combo number Two for One Special)
You see...This picture right here defines hilarity. Not because of the obvious, but the fact that this one picture alone tells a story more profound than any history book could ever depict in a horzillion years!(horzillion...horse...HAHAHAHAH..)... ANYWAYS... This image captures our modern society in its current stage. "The man" over the animal, and the animal over the minority. The animal being society in its..........who am I kidding? THIS SH*T IS FUNNY!!!!! HEHEHEHOHOHOHOHOHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHA! Dude is gasping for air while those two douchebags are kissing! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!
(p.s to the emo people: You need to find a way to see the humor in sad situations. Thats the only way to stay sane. Smile for him...cause god knows hes about to be drankin on that seasalt 40 if those horses get froggy.)
- Triggernuts
i've hated on her in past posts, i know. but my girl for the first time made my mouth water today.
i'd saw off those legs to steal those sexxxy ass cage peep toes. daaaammn. the pic came out small..please click for mouth watering goodness.
hopefully my girl was on her way to the salon. cuz that weave be dry as hell. oh god please forgive me.
i want two pairs
-hidden surveillance
Fleece Johnson talks about the truth about the style of sagging pants. As he states, He loves it more than water itself...
One minute you're skateboarding at your local douchebag hangout. The next minute, Fleece has a finger in your butt. You have been warned!
- Triggernuts
Remember Snuggies? That stupid invention where they took a bathrobe and decided to extend the bottom and wear it backwards. That was a stupid creation right? Yes it was. But just when you think that humans couldnt conjure up a brainless scheme one step more idiotic to make a quick buck...A CONTENDER ARRIVES! *drum rolls* From the creators of nothing else useful, & the advocates of useless inventions comes...*trumpets play* "BAGGNS"!
"A picture is worth 1000 words". According to Wikipedia, the modern usage of this phrase is attributed mainly to an article by Fred R Barnard, but similar pharases have been used throughout history, going back as far as Napoleon Bonaparte, or even the ancient Chinese empire. Of course, back then, a "picture" was harder to come by. You either had to draw one by hand, or, within the last 200 years or so, painstakingly set-up that massive camera and have everyone hold their pose for 30 seconds. Not so much anymore. These days, all you have to do is break out your tiny little $300 compact camera, snap a few pictures, and post them on the internet for all to ignore. Fantastic.
In an age of excess, picture taking is one of the most abused and least griped about topics. Photography has been made available to the masses, but should it be available to the masses? Yes, yes, everyone has a right to this and that, and everyone deserves that and the other, and people fought and died for our freedom so that we could yadda yadda. Whatever. Facebook is full of crappy pictures taken by morons. There, I said it. I'm pretty sure if the Allied veterans of Normandy knew that their efforts and blood would only buy the world the freedom to post crappy pictures of useless pets, stray animals, and mind bogglingly ugly self-portraits, they'd turn around, get back on their boats, and leave France.
You see, I think a picture USED to be worth a 1000 words. This was when a picture was taken with plenty of forethough and planning; when a picture required work and, in some cases, a little bit of suffering. Something about that made it a much more worthwhile endeavour. It gave it meaning; it gave the picture soul. Not anymore, however, because the suffering and "soul" has been removed from the equation.
No, that vividly colourful picture of a seagul pearched atop of a light standard is not artistic, you douchebag, because I can probably replicate the same picture in about 5 minutes. 
As with most things in our modern world, the beautiful, meaningful things in life have been overly manufactured, mass produced, and mechanized to the point that it is no longer beautiful or meaningful. Don't get me wrong, this has made documentation much, much simpler. A photograph of a car for insurance purposes, or pictures taken of a construction site are small examples of the usefulness of cameras and pictures in general. However, that is what pictures have been relegated to: documentation. The art of photography is dead. Yes, I'm sure there are many thriving artists out there whose images can still move us to tears, but their images are drowned out by the millions upon millions of kissy faced self-portraits, and questionable black and white images of lawn furniture that litter the public spaces of the internet. It's almost like looking for a finely crafted needle in a stack of crappier, inferior needles.
Pictures still convey a message far more quickly than the written word ever could, but the pictures we see today (like everything else we see today) don't really have anything meaningful to say. As it stands, with the amount of pictures out there, most of you really just need to shut the f*ck up.
-Jack the Stripper
So a coworker of mine just asked me for the time. I told him I dont have a watch. Hes like..."HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE A WATCH???" ... I'm thinking to myself... what the hell do you mean how can I not have a watch??? how can YOU not have a watch! you're asking ME for the time you fuc*ing scumbag. I'm not the one asking what time it is! What a stupid motherfu*ker this guy is. I hate when people do that sh*t. Like this one time this dude who will remain nameless asked me for a ride somewhere. I was like, "sorry I have no gas." And hes like, "HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE ANY GAS??"... well... HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE A FU*KING CAR YOU MOTHERFU*KER!??? Tell me that! Fu*king leech on society I swear to god. Or maybe they are just genuinely stupid. Either case, if you are one of these people, just know that you are a mongrel and that you are hated.
- Triggernuts
I was driving to work this morning in traffic and noticed what looked to be a kid on summer vacation bike right passed me. Yes, That's how bad the traffic was. All of that german engineering, torque, horsepower...only to be rendered useless against a childs bike. Irony 1 - Trigger 0. Damn ... I remember the first time I learned how to ride a bike. Unlike many other children, I learned how to ride a bicycle by myself. Not only that, but I mounted my first set of training wheels on my bicycle by myself. Circumstances of life which I did not fully grasp at the time led me to that driveway for that whole summer. Most of the first half in which I was trying to mount the training wheels I found in my shed, beside a bike which was not intended for someone my size. But I didn't care though. I had the tools in sight, my new found rusted bike, and training wheels which looked to be in adequate shape. It's funny what you remember as a child. I can't for the life of me remember how old I was exactly, or even the year of that summer. But I can still feel the heat rising from that driveway ashphalt, and how much I wanted to get those damned training wheels on. A few hours turned to a few days until I finally managed to get my little hands to properly position the wheels on the rear of the bike and successfully fasten them in. I stared at my creation in pride and jumped on to take my very first ride. Where shall I go? China??? Africa??? OOOOOOooo maybe Alaska!! Oh the endless possibilites now that I had my new vehicle. I hopped on and started peddaling my heart out! Something wasnt right... As I moved a few feet forward I realized that I was slanted sideways!!! AHHHH!!! I fell down and examined the bike. It seems that the training wheels werent fastened tight enough. I wasn't strong enough. My hands weren't big enough. I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't old enough. I was discouraged for a brief moment but at the same time I really wanted to ride my bike to the other side of the world and back. Needless to say, I spent most of that summer tightening those wheels, jumping on the bike, riding a few feet, and falling down. I did this every single day for a few months until THAT day came. The day when I rode all the way down my street and back without my training wheels falling off! I was so proud. I was so STRONG!!!! SO SMART!!!!! SO BIG!!!!!!!! I got off the bike to look at my final creation. To relish the moment in which I, The little weakling baby was strong enough to drive those screws in place!... My bike falls to the left as I hop off. Only then did I realize that the left training wheel was laying on my driveway the whole time! I rode without it! Bolts bent, screws worn from all of my tightening, plastic wheels deteriorated. It was at that moment of my life that I realized the most important lesson I still hold to heart today. Realizing now, that at that time, I only spent those days alone trying to fix that bike NOT because I wanted to be like the other kids, or to be able to learn how to ride that bike, or to be able to fasten those training wheels in. I simply wanted to get away. I wanted a way to escape my troubles. I wanted to bike away into the unknown world and not have to face what was happening at home. Life is funny though...because I didn't even have to leave my own front yard to learn what I needed to learn that summer. That lesson that would keep me pushing forward. It's on THAT driveway, on THAT summer that molded my views on life until this day.I learned that there will always be a time when you will fall. And in that process of hard times...if you learn how to be patient enough, and wise enough, and brave enough... you will utlimately overcome a greater goal without being held back by the insignificant things. You WILL ride that bike to the end of the street. And you WONT need to worry about those training wheels falling off.
Fu*king traffic. I should have given that kid the finger!
- Triggernuts
The song starts playing over the radio, but it isn't just any song, it's that song; her song. Old feelings come flooding back, and suddenly I find myself in the middle of a flashback. Many years younger, many experiences stupider, and many times happier, I find myself looking at the face that would haunt me for years to come. She was the one that got away; the one that broke my spiritual back. I see her features as they were so many years ago; her slender, feminine hands; her hazel brown/green eyes; her lips as she mouthed the words to this song as it played. The perfect moment, forever seared into my psyche.
I'm filled with sadness, not just at the memory of losing her, but also with the realization that the young man in that memory no longer exists. That boy I once was, carelessly admiring the object of his desire in that brief moment of history, is no more. Another victim burned away by the fires of time, forever.
"Live every moment like it's your last": that quote litters blog all over the internet, but it's message is still valid, if not widely misunderstood. Live every moment like it's your last, because it IS your last. You only have one opportunity to experience each moment as you are, because time is constantly pulling you away from it.
I will never again be that boy in my memories. The way he thought, the way he saw the world, the way he felt are all gone. That girl I admired so many years ago has long since grown into another person; a person I no longer know and who no longer knows me. That memory is all that is left of those two individuals, and there will never be another one like it for the rest of time. For now that memory is my treasure, guarded with every fibre of my being, but in time even that memory will begin to fade. It is an inveitable truth that we all have to face.
As the song ends, I slowly let go of the memory. The images fade away as quickly as they came, and everything returns to normal. I have to let go of that moment; I have to let those old feelings slip away, because that is life. Dwelling on the past sacrifices the present, and without the present there can be no living. That is also a reality I have to face. Althought difficult, I must find the discipline and strength to shake off my old demons and continue to plow forward. New moments lie waiting for me in the future, and I won't be able to find them if I'm constantly looking back on my life.
-Jack the Stripper
I know you know the feeling of when you walk into a party/jam/club and you see pure familar faces and you dooon't really want to say hi because that was a back in the day peeps but you just say hi anyways just to get it over with. I'm at a point in my life where I am comfortable with myself and the company I keep so all those extras in the background don't really faze me anymore. Let me go further. I absofrickinglutely do not feel the need to hail you up when I see you in the club if you are a friend of a friend of a friend OF A FRIEND who I've maybe met once in my whole life. On a good day, just maybe I'll throw a smile or mouth a "hello" from where I am to acknowledge that familar face. But it KILLS me when the other said known face STARES REPEATEDLY in your direction awaiting a "catching of eyes" or a look in their direction long enough for them to attempt to say what's up. Like really? Just come up to me and say what's up and stop looking like a creeper - instead you give me the damn stare down. Ugh. So no I'm not being "a snob" I just really don't feel like saying what's up and having some small witty 5 minute banter with you. Or when you see that random - cuz that's really what they are random - and then they say "you got facebook, why dont you add me?" Is facebook God? Like really. Is that what you really want to do? You wanna fully roll up on my page and see my life and when we see each other in public we don't acknowledge each other - but you know my favourite movie, book and colours - OR WORSE you liked that top that I was wearing in one of the albums on my page. I don't want to be cyber friends with you. So don't ask me to add you to your damn facebook. I won't do it. LMAO.
Damn holes in the wall, they're everywhere.
-hidden surveillance
You see Toronto, this is what happens when free food is given out. Its like a club on Richmond on a Saturday night or some sh*t. Complete with the counterfeit Canadian citizenship's. I know half of those fools are straight off the boat. Anyways, I just wanted to post this picture because the Mandarin doormans face is hilarious!..."LEE, WE GONNA NEED A LOT MORE FLY CHICKEN!"
- Triggernuts
If you are like me, then you are always pondering the great mysteries of life and happiness. Well my friend, you need not look any further for I will share with you MY guide to happiness. It's simple really. It's a 4 step way of living your life... or should i say understanding yourself... Here are the points that will lead you to a successful happy life:
4. Stop caring about what other people are doing - This one is self explanatory TO ME... but to you drama motherfu*king people out there who cant grasp this simple concept and just HAVE to get into everyone's business...this means to MIND YOUR MOTHERFU*KING BUSINESS. If it does not affect your life in some way, just let it be. Trust me, this rule will improve your life tenfold.
3. Always have a goal - This can be any goal. It can be in education, physical improvement, even monetary. Whatever your goal is isn't even important. As long as you have a goal, you have a purpose to wake up in the morning and know that you have something you havn't overcome yet. This thought process alone will either make you or break you. But these points arent for the weak, so if you are the latter, then you should stop reading right now. As a matter of fact, get the hell off of our page you useless sack of waste.
2. Live for the day - Ok relax cool guy. Take that cigarette box out of your Tshirt sleeve. This point doesn't mean to act like James Dean or Fonzy or some sh*t. This point basically means to have your goals in mind, but at the same time don't let the path to your goals blind you from what is in your face right now. In the words of Bruce, "Don't think! FEEL! It is like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory."
1. The number one thing that I GUARANTEE will bring ANY heterosexual individual happiness? - You guessed it. Sift through all of the garbage and finally find that one other person that compliments you.
OR you can search for lifes treasure on Weezys face. I think the map leads to some kind of jewel protected by a lobster in the forehead region.
YOUNG MOOOLAAHHHH BEYYBEHH
- Triggernuts
Of Crutches and Gimps
I hate umbrellas. If there is anything that the world needs less of, it is the umbrella. The concept behind such a device is deceivingly simple, as is the purpose behind it's invention, but I'm seriously having doubts about the frequency of its use in today's soft and supple society. Granted, there is the odd time where the use of one is actually necessary. I'm not here to argue that it is entirely useless. Such an argument would be ridiculous. However, 90% of the time, the use of said umbrellas are complete waste of energy.
What's this? It's dark and cloudy outside and you don't want to accidentally get caught in a monsoon on that 5-second trott between your car and the subway station entrance? Umbrella. Misty rain keeping you from completing that long, arguous 1-minute walk from the parking lot into your office? Umbrella. That hottie on the news is calling for a 40% chance of scattered showers? Umbrella. Half of you dimwits can barely operate the damn things. At the end of a rainy day, what do I see filling the garbage cans of downtown Toronto? Discarded and broken umbrellas; most of which undoubtedly committed suicide after being so horrendously abused by their previous owners.
I didn't want to post alot of MJ related articles but this sh*t was funny as hell. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. How in the world is laying on the ground pretending to be dead, honouring Michael Jackson??? What was the thought process that went into this mans mind when he conjured up what he believed to be was honouring MJ? There are COUNTLESS ways he could have honoured him after his touchdown. Traditionally, after a touchdown, football players tend to do a dance of some sort so they can brag about how super cool they are. Call me crazy, but im pretty sure Michael Jackson had a wide array of dance moves Arland Bruce could have chosen to do from Michaels 40+ years of dance routines. But no...instead, genius over here decides to pay tribute by choosing to mimic Michael Jacksons funeral arrangements. Arland, you sir are the biggest moron Ive read about in a while. Thats saying alot considering how many morons walk around day to day in Toronto. Funny none the less. I find humor in your stupidity. Thank you for the laughs.
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Toronto Argonaut Arland Bruce fined for Michael Jackson tributeTHE CANADIAN PRESS PrintTORONTO - Arland Bruce might have thought it would be a thriller but the CFL decided it was simply bad.
The league fined the Toronto slotback an undisclosed amount Thursday for his touchdown celebration in the Argos' season-opening win over the Hamilton Tiger-Cats on Wednesday. Bruce said he was paying tribute to Michael Jackson. The CFL called it "excessive."
After scoring on a 21-yard pass from Kerry Joseph to put Toronto ahead 6-0, Bruce removed his helmet, shoulder pads and uniform top, then laid down in the end zone.
Bruce said he was simply honouring Jackson's memory by pretending to be buried. The game's referee saw it differently and gave Bruce two objectionable conduct penalties.
"The commissioner has always said he wants the players to have fun, but you can't go over the line," said a CFL spokesman. "It's not always easy to draw that line, but when you remove your equipment to lay down and delay the game, like he did, that's where we draw the line."
The Argonauts said Thursday they support the league's ruling.
"The issue has been addressed internally by head coach Bart Andrus and his coaching staff and the club is confident that any future touchdown celebrations by Argonauts players will be conducted within the rules of the CFL game," the team said in a release.
"It should be noted that Arland apologized of his own volition to his teammates in today's team meeting."
In an interview after the game, Andrus said he had spoken with Bruce.
"I made the mistake of telling him in camp that once he got to the end zone I didn't care what he did," Andrus said. "But he's straight with it now and I think next time around he will celebrate in an appropriate manner."
(http://ca.sports.yahoo.com/)
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- Triggernuts
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