Rufflin Some Feathers

The year was 2007. Friday December 28th to be exact. That is the day when I, Triggernuts decided to stand up and be the voice of the people. It was time for someone to contact the corporate fatcats and tell them what the public really wants. This is a story of hope...a story of passion...a story of glory...and a story of forgotten heroes. This is the story of how I single handedly influenced Ruffles potato chips to create... "The Heinz Ketchup Ruffles". You dont believe me? Welllll heres a copy of the email I sent them you non William Wallace believin' motherfuc*ers:









From: *********@hotmail.com
To: lindsey.toole@fritolay.com
Subject: Dear Mr Ruffles
Date: Fri, 28 Dec 2007 07:58:25 -0800

Dear Mr. Ruffles,

During my time on this planet, I've enjoyed your wide array of potato chip flavor goodness. Although I've been very pleased with your contribution to my life as being my number
one potato chip provider...I can't help but feel a void in my heart. You wan't to know why, Mr Ruffles? Well I'll tell you why. You are neglecting the most important flavor. Ketchup. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night wondering why "ketchup" has not made the cut on your elite list of flavoring. Is it because of its color? The "Man" seems to be holding down its potential. Imagine this...Its a warm afternoon day in the middle of July. Im eating my hotdog (well not my hotdog, but one that I bought from the store...the food kind) and I think to myself, "Self...What would go down with this hotdog oh so nicely...*lightbulb* possibly some sort of KETCHUP tasting chip!" You are probably wondering, "why not just put ketchup on your hotdog?" Well, let me tell you about a little thing called "being lazy". It affects most potato chip eaters. It is a proven fact that while you are eating chips, you are probably a lazy "mofo" (as these kids these days would say). THEREFORE, why should I have to buy ketchup condiments AND have a separate bag of regular flavored ruffles chips? Why not have BOTH combined! I would be in flavor country. Population: AWESOME, MAYOR: MR. FUNNEST GUY EVER. It would be a hot dog/chip/ketchup intercourse that would make any heterosexual male excited. Although that thought may disgust you, I am merely a simple man that wants "ketchup" added to your fine selection of flavors. If you dont do it for me...then please...do it for the children. I weep tears of ketchup for them...tears............of.....ketchup.

Sincerely yours,

Ketchupless in Toronto

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3 weeks later, they sent me coupons for potato chips.

(disclaimer: It isn't my fault if you decide to email the Fritolay rep)

- Triggernuts