Baggage

The word "douchebag" gets thrown around alot on this blog, so I just wanted to clarify to the readers what we mean by it. You see, douchebag isnt a specific race or gender. It isn't a specific religion, language or style. That's the beauty of the word. It is a universal mindset in which morons, idiots, losers and baffoons can all share and claim their own. The said douchebag culprit usually enjoys personalizing it by taking already created douchebag aspects, and adding their own sense of stupidity to it. Case and point, you all know what a "gino" is right? or a "guido", "greaseball", etc... (mind you I am only choosing this idiot bunch for this specific example. Remember, douchebags come in all shapes and sizes. All colors and creed) So I was saying... A good example of an up and coming douchebag in the douchebag world is "Jon Gosselin". You may know him from the tv reality series, Jon and Kate plus 8. Well, ever since he decided to leave his family (douchebag move), start dating some trashy looking douchebag (douchebag move bonus), and start wearing Ed Hardy shirts (signed his soul to douchebagism), Jon has decided to put a little trademark douchebaggery onto his already professional level of douching. He has taken it to the next level and decided to create junior douchebags by designing Ed Hardy "baby" clothing. True story. This fool has taken it upon himself to instill the douchebag mentality, or ZEN douchebagizm (since hes a half asian douchebag) onto the next generation. So what Jon has done here, has taken his "base" of "gino douchebagging" and has added his fame from making money off of his children to be a BIGGER douchebag by spreading the word of douchebag through stupid looking shirts. I guess you can say that hes like the messiah for douches. Aside from his newer homo clothing, he sports 4 tacky diamond earings. Usually I wouldnt mind it, But on a douchebag, it doesnt look right. It doesn't look...natural. Almost creepy. Remember that scene in Twilight when the vampire goes under the sun and he starts to glitter and hes all like, "THIS IS WHY I CANT SHOW MYSELF ON SUNNY DAYS! Because of THIS!"...then you're thinking...umm ok SO? BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A GLITTERY DOUCHEBAG??? Yeah, It's kind of like that. I could go on about all of the other forms of douchebags, but this post would be too long. So ladies and gentlemen, before you leave your house tomorrow, look in the mirror and ask yourself...do I have what it takes to be a douchebag? And if the answer is YES, then don't leave your house because you may just see me and get the douche knocked out of you.


*NOTE* Other douchebags you may encounter in your local mall, school, grocery stores:


- Tight pants wearing skateboarders

- "Hiphop" 80's kids (the ones that were born in the 90's but pretend they lived in the 80's. You wish motherfu*ker. you WISH!)

- Goths

- Emos

- 45+ year olds dressing young. (You're old. Fauxhawks are NOT time machines. Against the teachings from your douchebag blackmagic that you practice, haircuts do not work that way)

- Girls that dress like the tight pants wearing skateboarder MALES

- Ginos that wear MMA type clothing. You can't fight. You are fat. You dont have big biceps. Those are fatceps.

- Girls that carry small dogs in the mall like Paris douchebag queen Hilton. You are not her. And you WANTING to be her makes you douchebag enough.

- Asians that think that they are black. (more specifically asians that think that they are the black douchebag kids that think they are from the 80's. I call these ones Combo number Two for One Special)

- Kissing on horses while a guy in front of you is drowning. (see previous post under this one)

If you think any of what I said is false, you are probably a douchebag as well.


- Triggernuts